Last night I stumbled across the ABC television show, Making Couples Happy, which explores: “What are the secrets to a happy relationship? Great sex? Never arguing? Keeping peace with the in-laws?”
From the first moment, I was struck by the similarities between what was being offered to these couples and what we explore in NLP. Some of the aspects that stood out to me:
- How we feel about an experience depends on what we are focusing upon. Taking an experience and focusing on an unpleasant interpretation and we’ll feel bad; Take the same experience and focusing on a more positive interpretation or explanation and we’ll feel better. In NLP, we just call this “Reframing“.
- Communication is more than just words. When we are connecting with someone, we will tend to use similar postures, gestures and tonalities. In the show, they had a couple watch other couples, calibrate who were connecting and who they thought weren’t, and even approach two couples to check that their interpretation was correct. Of course this is the basis of what we explore as “Rapport” and what the couples did was almost the same as one of the first exercises I experienced in my NLP training.
(Hint: If you can hear their conversation, you’re probably too close!)
- Couples who worked together found that they couldn’t separate their work life from their home life. So they started wearing different clothes when they were in “work mode” from when they shifted into “home mode”. This is a form of what we call in NLP, “Anchoring“.
I’m regularly surprised at how much of what I have learned explicitly through NLP shows up in daily life – and how much of a difference it can make!
In this spirit, we’re offering a China NLP event on the afternoon of 10 March in Shanghai. Led by NLP Trainer, Daniel Smith, Join us from 2pm to explore how you can use NLP to improve the quality of your intimate relationships.
Love and Intimacy with NLP
Sunday, March 10, from 1:30pm in English and from 4pm